i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
