Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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