I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
