So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
