bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
