I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
