i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
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The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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