oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
