I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
