she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
