i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize