I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
