Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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