she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
