somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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