your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
