Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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