How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Life is so much better after having sex.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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