My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
