Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
