i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's shark week go big or go home
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
