some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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