We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
NoShamevember. You game?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
