Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
