Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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