So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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