You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
