HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
