I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
