so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
