Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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