Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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