I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
