thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
