wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need water and some morals
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
