he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
