i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
