Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
