Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
