3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
