The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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