At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
my poor anus
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
