If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
