I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
