There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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