he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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