sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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