The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
