3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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