Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
