I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
