Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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