Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
