Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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