I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
