some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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