chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
