Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
"it" just moved
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
