genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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