i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
