I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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