sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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