pop tarts are not kleenex
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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