aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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