My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
