I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
