Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
