I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
40s are totally the cure
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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