Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
